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Saturday, May 9, 2009 @ 11:55 PM
I too, have loved this friend.
Tonight, I blog with a heavy heart.
Like what I promised, my entries will not always be filled with happy memories. I have my doubts, regrets and emo moments as well.
And this time is an entry about a friend I once held close to my heart.
I don't know if whatever I am going to say is going to offend her. But I must clarify that this entry is NOT a bitch-fest about my friend. And neither am I going to try to explain myself or apologize. Because I believe, in every quarrel and every heartache, there are bound to be two sides to everything.
I did my part to mend things up too. But like her, I received disappointments as well. I remembered sending her a handmade Christmas card last year, and in the card, penned down my most sincere apology for everything that I might have offended her. My blessings and heartfelt congratulations were addressed to her and her husband, to wish them happiness in the new chapter of their lives together . I thought by that small gesture, it'll bring the gap between us a little closer; but I was wrong.
It didn't make her any less unhappy with me. Against all odds, despite the fight/unhappiness between each other, out of pure courtesy; I actually expected an invitation to her ROM. To my dismay, no invitation came. Not even an sms. The girls once asked, "If she sent you an invitation, will you attend?" At that moment, I said, "I don't know". And the reason so was only because I knew given the awkward situation at that point of time, I was pretty sure she would not have sent me an invitation.
This year I received a belated birthday card from her and in it, wrote something to the lines of "thank you for your lovely christmas card and happy birthday". I hoped, at the very least she would let me know if my apologies were accepted or even tell me why my presence was not of any importance at all on her special day. Again, I received no explanation, but a birthday card solely for just "hey, I remembered your birthday and happy birthday."
And no, I did not forget her birthday falls on 27th April. I wonder if she has received the birthday card via snail mail.
**
I came across this in her very last post (yup. she has decided to stop blogging) : Yesterday was supposed to be a day for celebration with a friend. However, almost a year ago, a trust was broken.
There were times I wished to turn time back and perhaps amend any things if possible. There were moments I wished not to be too hard headed, yet when I tried to give in or do simple actions, I experienced another disappointment.
Some told me this is worthless. Some told me to forget it.
I think I should just move on.
I had loved this friend.
**
I guess as humans, we expect too much from those we love and care about.
We have chosen to move on; because we both know that things will never be the same again.
"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."
~ Gloria Naylor ( African-American novelist and educator, 1950)
