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On being me.
Thursday, May 19, 2011 @ 7:41 PM
So I put a halt to my obsessive partying. Last wed was my last. I figured out it'd be awhile for me to miss the night life.
Enough. I played enough. School's back next week and imma be good. Back to my readings and mugging and assignments. After all the meaningless nights of revelry and bumming around, I have come to appreciate school even more. Kinda miss having my brains put to productive use and of course, I miss my interesting ang moh professors.
To be completely honest, I miss just school. The textbooks, the writing of notes, visting libraries, rushing for lessons, assignment deadlines, mugging etc. But sad to say, I don't miss my classmates. Maybe I've not tried hard enough to know each of them personally, or maybe I'm just too bothered with my own life. Or should I say, everyone of them is just too busy with their own stuff during the hols that no one wants to start to plan anything. Hey, it is not that I didn't try. When school just started, I did my best to bond us together. To the extend of creating an FB page jus for our class and organizing BBQ/outings etc. Still, some of them don't even take the effort to try to get to know each other. I hate it when people don't give a damn.
Thing is, it is not that they are not nice people, they are. I enjoy their company but it is the friendship bond I desire. Not their constant bitching about another classmate's grades, or prying into each others' personal life, or being close on the pretext of silently competing with one another. I hate that kind of fakeness. I hate being asked abt my grades in an outfront straight forward way (not that I am a lousy student to begin with. average is what I would define myself. mostly a B student with the occasional As and Cs). Like everytime when the results are out, almost always, I would be totally unaware of the news. You see, I don't park at the school website everyday just to keep myself updated on whether or not OCU logged in any recent announcements. And in fact, I was rather surprise to hear that some of my classmates actually do that. Kiasu? or just being mere competitive? Then, whenever anyone of them gets an update on results being out, beep beep, I'd receive a text smth like this:
"PR RESULTS ARE OUT! GO CHECK!"
"oh thx! just checked."
"so what did you get?"
"...." ( call me rude but i usually don't reply )
I appreciate the fact that I'd receive quick info about the release of results. But srsly?! Straight in my face? Can I assume that the reason you wanna inform me about my results is just so that you can ask me about my grades in a not so obvious way? Bah. Dislike.
Sad thing is, the ones I thought were different, the ones who are close to me, are the ones who turn out to have disappointed me. Be it in things they said before or did.
Wq taught me dpdp (diff pple diff perspective). Imma change it to 'diff pple diff personalities' for this case. I accept those flaws in hopes of them accepting mine too. Maybe, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's me being too judgemental. I'm in the mood to bitch. Not nice at all. Sighh.
**
Grrr. Talking about grades. Just checked my latest. A- for Philosophy and D (fk. it's my first D.) for PEAF. I can't do politics/econs/history esp tt of another country!!! Comforted to know that at least an A- for Philo (Values & Culture).
