Layout by Caye.
Graphics from TheFadingNight.
Best viewed in GChrome (1024x768).
Fine in MFF, fugly in IE.
From the bottom of my broken heart.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 @ 2:38 PM
This may or may not be my last entry.
p/s : I'll prob switch to tumblr soon and pen my writings down more often on the lovely pinky diary Charlene got me for my 27th birthday.
For these past few months, I thought a lot about the value of friendship. Why do one need friends? Is it because of, like what the quote says "Friends are the siblings God never gave us"? What counts as a true friend, how much does one have to give and sacrifice to maintain the friendship or is being friends just on the surface level?
I've had my fair share of friends who came and left. Friends I've let down, friends I've let go and friends I'm still holding on against all odds. I don't have to meet you to miss you, I don't have to text you or hang out with you to show you that I need you in my life. You will know you are special. You will know that you are always on my mind. Above all, I will write to you in words to tell you how much I treasure our friendship.
I am not perfect. I have flaws and differences. There are probably a million and one things you might not agree with me and I wouldn't blame you for that. Most of the time, all I need, is just a listening ear. And because I don't trust easily, I tend to be extremely picky when it comes to telling my utmost secrets to. You may say I'm a hypocrite/two-faced bitch who seem to always have my game face on; but this is the only way I can prevent myself from getting hurt if things do not flow in the direction I predicted/want it to be.
No, I don't choose my friends. I choose what to and what not to tell them. I was talking to Doug the other day about my erratic behavior when it comes to handling friendships and at the end of the hour long whining and trying to explain myself, he mentioned along the lines of "have you thought, maybe it's you?"
Either I'm too difficult to comprehend or honestly speaking, you are just not worthy of my attention. Maybe. Maybe it's just me.I've been through broken friendships as much as I have for broken relationships. For all the drama/misunderstandings/unexplained behavior I portrayed, I am not going to apologize for and I don't even want to provide an explanation. Yes, I MIA when I feel I need some space, and maybe you are right, I am not a good friend, or maybe like what Kai said, I don't respect my friends' feelings.
A real friend is someone who understands your past; believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.
p/p/s : This post is a shout out to two special friends in my life :
Charlene : We grew up, we had our differences, we fought, we cried, we hugged and we made up. Things have changed at this point of our lives, but I have to say, you're the only person who actually understands me or should I say, able to tolerate all my nonsense. I was reading cards you sent to me last time and one of the cards inside wrote about me having to get rid of my MIA behavior. Shows how much I've not changed since a teenager. Damn. Anyhoots, I love you. I need to see your prince!
Theo : It may seem that I don't take the effort to call you out/catch up; but all in all, I want you to know that I am DEFINITELY NOT avoiding you and that no matter what I do, I always think of you. We need to meet up and talk la! Go eat something nice, drink coffee or something. I will arrange. I will arrange.
To : Steph, Crystal and Justina. I always say I'm glad to have known the 3 of you. It doesn't matter how long we've all known each other, but it feels like years. Thank you for always saying the sweetest things to me, for putting up with my girly ramblings on twitter/Line and for all the support you girls gave me no matter what decisions I made. You girls are the best! Major love. Let's plan for BKK soon?
** "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr Seuss
